Today I’m here to talk about finding balance while juggling on a unicycle. I’m here as a person with many roles. Many pieces of my identity. Many balls to juggle while riding forward in life, hopefully without falling over. First and foremost, I’m a mom. I have a cheeky, intelligent, creative four-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a curious, silly, cuddly two-year-old son. I’ve been working full-time as a school psychologist for twelve years, mostly in elementary schools. I’m also a traditionally published Young Adult author. I now have two books out in the world, which means I’m not only a writer, but also a marketer and a kind of a small business owner I guess.
For both books, I undertook major revisions and sold them while being a mom. That’s meant cramming in precious writing time before and after the kids when to bed, and during nap time before my daughter grew out of naps. Squeezing in a few minutes of writing-related tasks before and after work, and during the rare lunch breaks I’ve managed. Waiting with bated breath for winter, spring, and summer break when I have a few more hours of time a week, since I have the privilege of sending my children to day care part time during those breaks.
It’s also meant learning a lot about myself and using that knowledge on my never-ending quest to figure out how to juggle. I’m not going to lie, I’m still on that quest, but here’s some of things I’ve learned so far…
Identify and use your support system, whether it’s family, friends, or significant others. Use your support system to help get you through happy times (such as finishing a draft or getting good news) and hard times (such as rejections or disappointments). Use your support system to get you a few hours here and there to just write, especially if you have tight deadlines.
Recognize your brain state and match your writing task to your brain functioning. My brain has the best clarity and focus early in the morning until about noon and late afternoon into evening. Forcing myself to do something my brain can't handle only leads to frustration and guilt, which sabotages my creativity and wastes my time anyway. For example, I know that, by the time I get the kids to bed and the housework done on a weekday, my brain is going to be at about 50% capacity at best because, let’s face it, I’m exhausted. So on weekdays, I pick writing tasks that don’t take a lot of mental energy such as reading for a critique partner, designing Instagram promotional posts, answering blog interview questions, or (lately) emailing libraries and book stores about my new book. For writing new material and tackling developmental edits, my brain needs to be fresh and alert, so I usually don’t try to force myself to do that work on weekday evenings because I know my brain isn’t up for it.
Which brings me to my next tip…
Be your own writerly project manager. Make lists of all the different writing tasks you must do and, when you have time to work, match the task with your brain state. The list particularly helpful when I have a second, but I don’t have time to think though what I need to do, or my brain is too foggy to even remember. I can just pull some simple task from the list. My evenings are devoted to tasks that don’t require a lot of mental energy. I also plan to do tasks the require a fresh, expansive brain for times I know I’ll have it. For example, I tend to save tackling developmental edits and writing new material for winter, spring, and summer breaks, when I won’t have work on my mind as much and I’ll have precious uninterrupted time. I start planning and plotting ahead of time, to get my brain primed for writing time when it comes. It’s all about being efficient with the time you have by matching the task with your brain state. Honestly, understanding this has been one of the biggest breakthroughs for me on this quest to juggle writing while working and mom-ing.
Every second counts. Find creative times to write. I bring my laptop any time we're driving more than fifteen minutes; fortunately for me, I don't get carsick. If I get to work a few minutes early, actually take a lunch break, or can stay a few minutes late before picking up the kids, I try to squeeze in things from my list. When I’m on deadline or in the middle of writing a critical part of a book, there are times I *try* to wake up an hour or more before my kids to capture my brain at its most fresh. This can be hard though, because at least one of my kids is likely to wake up by five AM (or earlier), and neither are guaranteed to sleep through the night.
Set deadlines to motivate yourself, but make sure they're realistic. Setting deadlines that are not reasonable will only lead to you back to those feelings of guilt and frustration.
Be patient and have grace with yourself. You have A LOT of balls you're juggling, and you can't do it all. You’re only one human and there are literally only so many hours in the day. Sometimes you do need to let one or two fall so you don’t lose your balance. If things are too hectic, give yourself permission to step back from writing altogether. When I'm feeling pressured to write and I can't, I look at my adorable kids and remind myself that they will never be as small as they are today, so try to soak in every second of it. On the flipside, remind yourself that it's okay to have multiple facets to yourself and model that for your children. Creative outlets nourish and refresh the soul.
Also, coffee. Lots of coffee. As a working writer mom, I’m also an avid coffee drinker. I’m unbelievably fortunate to have a Nespresso machine, which has definitely helped me get through early mornings and long days. I also love supporting local coffee shops. Since I know coffee is a theme of this blog, I’ll share that my favorite coffee drinks (beyond normal coffee) are cappuccinos and flat whites.
To hear more about my experiences writing while working and mom-ing, check out my interview on the Writescast podcast.
